Ready to quit

Today is the first day since I've really started with this blog that I am feeling ready to quit. I mean- honestly I am just totally defeated. Really, I shouldn't be defeated. I am hanging in the 230's pretty well...today I am up less than 3 lbs above my lowest weight since beginning the blog. Lowest weight was on 1/27 with a 235.5 according to my Wii. Today, I weighed in at 238.3...so I guess that is 2.8 lbs. Is that right? If so, it's not really that bad nor should I be so discouraged and ready to quit.

I had a pretty good Saturday after all. We spent all day at a seminar by Heather Forbes, called "Beyond Consequences Live". She is the author of a series of books on a new approach to discipline. It was certainly informative, however the approach is so very different from anything we (especially I) have ever used previously. At times, it was a challenge to fully embrace this approach. I don't consider myself a tough disciplinarian by any stretch of the imagination. However, this approach certainly makes my views seem extreme. I signed up for a 10 week more in-depth session that might allow me to get answers to some of my concerns. Perhaps after completing those sessions, I can more fully believe in the methods that were shared in this seminar.

After the seminar, my husband surprised me with a fabulous dinner at a restaurant, Kenny's Wood-Fire Grill. It is located in a little shopping strip and was quite a delight. It doesn't seem like anything special on the outside, but you walk inside to quite a hidden jewel. The scene was intimate, dark, and cozy. I may have been a little underdressed in my black sweater and denim jeans, but we were tucked into a corner of the small and cozy restaurant and I really don't think anyone could even see how I was dressed from the waist down. When we were escorted to our table in the corner, clearly marked with a "reserved" card and menus already placed for us, there was a beautiful vase of flowers on the table from a local florist. A card was perched in the vase with my name on it. The card simply said, "Rebekah, I love you. Mike" To say the least, I was sorta blown away. I would have never thought to have flowers delivered to the restaurant at which we were dining....so I certainly never expected to receive something like this. The service was outstanding...and the menu was amazing. Obviously - calorie count wasn't coming into play...I was going to indulge in something amazing..and not feel guilty. I mean, after all...how often does a girl get a surprise like this, right? I settled on an 8oz fillet with 2 bacon encrusted shrimp and a side of asparagus. Actually - I didn't think it would be that bad of a selection...so I didn't even ask for "light" preparation. OMG....the food was amazing...but extreeeeeemely rich. The bacon shrimp wasn't at all what I expected since the bacon was fully cooked and the shrimp was then rolled in the crushed pieces of bacon...almost like taking shrimp and coating them in bacon bits. It was served with a huge pot of fondue as well. I am not kidding. The steak was covered with a blob of walnut butter that was almost the same size as the steak. The food, although good...was just so very rich. Even the asparagus had a sauce on it. I tried to scrape as much of the sauces off that I could...and I didn't dip the giant prawn shrimp in the fondue or anything. Still, when all was said and done (including dessert)...I was stuffed. Beyond stuffed. I really didn't feel guilty though since it was a special occasion (even if the "special" occasion was a "just because I love you" from my husband.

We followed the dinner with a comedy show at the Eismann Centre in Richardson, TX. A trio called "Three Blonde Moms" was performing and the hubs got tix for us. It was hilarious...although I found 2 of the moms much funnier than one...so did the hubs. It was still a pretty amazing night and we were home before midnight..so all was well. An episode of CSI later, we were both sleeping soundly...most likely because the day had been draining. Even with all the fun stuff in the evening...sitting in a seminar for the day can become pretty tiring.

Today, the plan was to get up and be at church at 9:30. We had planned on going to church with JJ...having lunch afterwards and then hitting the gym...hard and heavy to help alleviate the sins of the night before. Sounds good, right? I woke up at 2. PM not AM. 2 o'clock in the afternoon...say what???? I have no idea what happened.....I'm certain our alarm went off as scheduled...could we both have just slept right through it? Who knows...but I can tell you....it must not have been a good thing. I woke up with a sorta "who cares?" attitude. What's the use...I am never gonna be a normal size again anyway and all of this is just me trying to fool myself into believing something that ain't gonna happen.

Now...I'm not sure if you have ever felt this way or not. Perhaps, I am the odd duck...who has these fits of despair. But...it has pretty much kept my bootie in bed for the afternoon...and now we are lounging around watching the SuperBowl. Hubs is rooting for the Cards...me for the Steelers...(I do know it would be fabulous for the Cardinals to win the first SB in over 60 years...but I can't help but remember the greatness of the Steelers and the Coca-Cola commercial with big ole Mean Joe Green....who can't love the steelers after he threw that jersey to the little boy???)

Oh well...I really hope the funk passes cuz honestly...I think I am done trying to reach the unreachable star. Tomorrow I am supposed to go to boot camp...our last week. I don't really want to go anymore. I just want to sleep in and get to work around 8 or 8:30. However, I must go....since we have partners and my partner will have to "pay" a price if I am not there. So...four more days of boot camp...and then maybe I will get re-energized. Right now...I'm feeling pretty lousy in terms of weight loss efforts so....say a prayer for me if you believe in that kind of thing...if not....just keep positive thoughts..that I can get past my funk...get on with my challenge and not give up...even though I don't feel as if I have the energy to step onto a treadmill again.

I have to see the doc on Thursday...this is the day I wanted to be securely in the 220's again. Oh well...just another goal...not acheived. I am a downer today....so sorry.

Perhaps I need to get some new "Happy" pills. :-)

IDK....

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