Today was the official first day of orientation for International students. It was exhausting...but nice to see the campus. My eating was HORRID today! Breakfast wasn't bad with a 1/2 banana and PB and a small slice of watermelon. However lunch consisted of an order of french fries and a Coke Zero. Dinner wasn't too bad with 1/4 rotissierie chicken and about 1o french fries...ginger ale for the drink so no saving on calories there :-(. Exercise on the other hand was plentiful. I wore my pedometer and had over 14K steps...and it included steps and more steps.
The real problem came after dinner when I got two donuts glazed with chocolate...certainly not the right thing...I think it is due to all that walking on some french fries and a banana half. Argh...I am irritated with myself for falling down on the donut wagon...but tomorrow is a new day...and it is not going to be quite as long so I will be able to eat better....and hopefully take a nap! :-)
Love to all!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
First campus visit & a great food day
AGGRAVATION....I had my post all typed out and everything and went to modify the font...somehow when I was highlighting the text I hit enter and lost the entire post...of course, the autosave engaged immediately afterwards and now I have no way to obtain the pre-auto-save version to publish...ARGH! This is what got me off-track last time...but alas...I will not let it derail me yet again.
To give a quick re-cap...toured campus today...and ate healthy....two days of over 9600 steps so all is good on the front of exercise.
I miss my family and friends DREADFULLY..but am growing accustomed to my new home. I just wish I could have stayed in Texas and taken this path.
I love you Cody and miss you more than you KNOW!!
To give a quick re-cap...toured campus today...and ate healthy....two days of over 9600 steps so all is good on the front of exercise.
I miss my family and friends DREADFULLY..but am growing accustomed to my new home. I just wish I could have stayed in Texas and taken this path.
I love you Cody and miss you more than you KNOW!!
Monday, August 24, 2009
A Girl Without a Country
WOW! A long time since my last update...unexcusable, if I must say so myself!
Alot has changed since then...where to begin? Well...after our very 1st experience with CPS and the foster care system, my DH and I made a decision to totally uproot our otherwise chaotic lives and move...out of the country - nonetheless. What a wild ride it was!
So, I sit here in my new home (actually, my MIL's home and my temporary refuge). I am typing from the basement of DMIL's home with DH next to me.
Questions? I'm sure! After a very emotional experience with our foster daughter, I really felt drawn to working with children of trauma on a more intense level...only I did not possess the credentials to do so. I have relocated to Alberta, Canada in hopes of obtaining those credentials and moving into a more fulfilling career (albeit not financially rewarding). I am very thankful to DH for his support and encouragement...and to his family for their willingness to take on 2 grown adults (not to mention 3 dogs) during this transition.
For now, DH is going to continue to work in Big D at least through the end of the year. We will reexamine our position over the holiday break (see - I am already speaking Canuckie). :-)
What does this do with my weight loss journey? Actually - I believe that this puts me in a much better position to focus on this area of my life and I hope to report winning results each week.
The weather here is (thus-far) certainly more conducive to walking than the scorching summer heat of Tejas just days ago. I have enjoyed walks each day while in this beautiful country...although I am promised such nice weather is short lived and I should not grow accustomed to these outdoor activities.
My school of choice is University of Alberta and classes begin on September 2nd. I now have my official study permit and am looking forward to this trying out this student life again...the second time around. (or third which is actually more accurate).
My baby son I miss dreadfully...and he cried when he said good-bye to me which broke my heart...I love him so much...more than anything in this galaxy. I do truly believe, however, that he is better off being in a position that requires him to fend for himself a little more. I do not want to support him in a way that makes him less productive and promotes laziness...but...I'm mom...and I'm weak...and I do tend to do everything in my power to make things easier for him. It is time to allow him to stand (or fall) on his own and my relocation to Canada should make it more difficult for me to "rescue" him from his own consequences. I do wonder though if he will ever know how much I truly love him....if I could give anything or everything and assure his happiness...I would most certainly do that...however, happiness really comes from within and that is a lesson that I cannot teach him, but that he must learn himself.
As far as eating goes, I am doing reasonably well. My DMIL will oversee my eating I'm quite sure. I actually think it will be quite helpful...if it doesn't drive me insane! :-)
Well...I know it is a big change...however...I wanted to make sure you knew that I hadn't quit. I simply pulled over for a bit, but I am back in the drivers seat again and onto the journey of a lifetime.
Much Love!
Rebekah
Alot has changed since then...where to begin? Well...after our very 1st experience with CPS and the foster care system, my DH and I made a decision to totally uproot our otherwise chaotic lives and move...out of the country - nonetheless. What a wild ride it was!
So, I sit here in my new home (actually, my MIL's home and my temporary refuge). I am typing from the basement of DMIL's home with DH next to me.
Questions? I'm sure! After a very emotional experience with our foster daughter, I really felt drawn to working with children of trauma on a more intense level...only I did not possess the credentials to do so. I have relocated to Alberta, Canada in hopes of obtaining those credentials and moving into a more fulfilling career (albeit not financially rewarding). I am very thankful to DH for his support and encouragement...and to his family for their willingness to take on 2 grown adults (not to mention 3 dogs) during this transition.
For now, DH is going to continue to work in Big D at least through the end of the year. We will reexamine our position over the holiday break (see - I am already speaking Canuckie). :-)
What does this do with my weight loss journey? Actually - I believe that this puts me in a much better position to focus on this area of my life and I hope to report winning results each week.
The weather here is (thus-far) certainly more conducive to walking than the scorching summer heat of Tejas just days ago. I have enjoyed walks each day while in this beautiful country...although I am promised such nice weather is short lived and I should not grow accustomed to these outdoor activities.
My school of choice is University of Alberta and classes begin on September 2nd. I now have my official study permit and am looking forward to this trying out this student life again...the second time around. (or third which is actually more accurate).
My baby son I miss dreadfully...and he cried when he said good-bye to me which broke my heart...I love him so much...more than anything in this galaxy. I do truly believe, however, that he is better off being in a position that requires him to fend for himself a little more. I do not want to support him in a way that makes him less productive and promotes laziness...but...I'm mom...and I'm weak...and I do tend to do everything in my power to make things easier for him. It is time to allow him to stand (or fall) on his own and my relocation to Canada should make it more difficult for me to "rescue" him from his own consequences. I do wonder though if he will ever know how much I truly love him....if I could give anything or everything and assure his happiness...I would most certainly do that...however, happiness really comes from within and that is a lesson that I cannot teach him, but that he must learn himself.
As far as eating goes, I am doing reasonably well. My DMIL will oversee my eating I'm quite sure. I actually think it will be quite helpful...if it doesn't drive me insane! :-)
Well...I know it is a big change...however...I wanted to make sure you knew that I hadn't quit. I simply pulled over for a bit, but I am back in the drivers seat again and onto the journey of a lifetime.
Much Love!
Rebekah
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Stayin Alive
OMG - What a year this has been. As a quick update, and I promise I will update more later this weekend - I am still here and still fighting this weight battle. Yikes....things got really crazy after my last post. My FIL passed away and required sudden and unscheduled out of country travel...of course - neither DH or I had passports, so we were suddenly thrust into a rush of getting this paperwork processed. I had actually written a long blog explaining all of this while we were traveling and as I went to POST it...the connection dropped and I lost everything I had typed. Talk about annoyed. At any rate - I am back in the game now...and will soon be blogging away.
<3 Me...
<3 Me...
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Ready to quit
Today is the first day since I've really started with this blog that I am feeling ready to quit. I mean- honestly I am just totally defeated. Really, I shouldn't be defeated. I am hanging in the 230's pretty well...today I am up less than 3 lbs above my lowest weight since beginning the blog. Lowest weight was on 1/27 with a 235.5 according to my Wii. Today, I weighed in at 238.3...so I guess that is 2.8 lbs. Is that right? If so, it's not really that bad nor should I be so discouraged and ready to quit.
I had a pretty good Saturday after all. We spent all day at a seminar by Heather Forbes, called "Beyond Consequences Live". She is the author of a series of books on a new approach to discipline. It was certainly informative, however the approach is so very different from anything we (especially I) have ever used previously. At times, it was a challenge to fully embrace this approach. I don't consider myself a tough disciplinarian by any stretch of the imagination. However, this approach certainly makes my views seem extreme. I signed up for a 10 week more in-depth session that might allow me to get answers to some of my concerns. Perhaps after completing those sessions, I can more fully believe in the methods that were shared in this seminar.
After the seminar, my husband surprised me with a fabulous dinner at a restaurant, Kenny's Wood-Fire Grill. It is located in a little shopping strip and was quite a delight. It doesn't seem like anything special on the outside, but you walk inside to quite a hidden jewel. The scene was intimate, dark, and cozy. I may have been a little underdressed in my black sweater and denim jeans, but we were tucked into a corner of the small and cozy restaurant and I really don't think anyone could even see how I was dressed from the waist down. When we were escorted to our table in the corner, clearly marked with a "reserved" card and menus already placed for us, there was a beautiful vase of flowers on the table from a local florist. A card was perched in the vase with my name on it. The card simply said, "Rebekah, I love you. Mike" To say the least, I was sorta blown away. I would have never thought to have flowers delivered to the restaurant at which we were dining....so I certainly never expected to receive something like this. The service was outstanding...and the menu was amazing. Obviously - calorie count wasn't coming into play...I was going to indulge in something amazing..and not feel guilty. I mean, after all...how often does a girl get a surprise like this, right? I settled on an 8oz fillet with 2 bacon encrusted shrimp and a side of asparagus. Actually - I didn't think it would be that bad of a selection...so I didn't even ask for "light" preparation. OMG....the food was amazing...but extreeeeeemely rich. The bacon shrimp wasn't at all what I expected since the bacon was fully cooked and the shrimp was then rolled in the crushed pieces of bacon...almost like taking shrimp and coating them in bacon bits. It was served with a huge pot of fondue as well. I am not kidding. The steak was covered with a blob of walnut butter that was almost the same size as the steak. The food, although good...was just so very rich. Even the asparagus had a sauce on it. I tried to scrape as much of the sauces off that I could...and I didn't dip the giant prawn shrimp in the fondue or anything. Still, when all was said and done (including dessert)...I was stuffed. Beyond stuffed. I really didn't feel guilty though since it was a special occasion (even if the "special" occasion was a "just because I love you" from my husband.
We followed the dinner with a comedy show at the Eismann Centre in Richardson, TX. A trio called "Three Blonde Moms" was performing and the hubs got tix for us. It was hilarious...although I found 2 of the moms much funnier than one...so did the hubs. It was still a pretty amazing night and we were home before midnight..so all was well. An episode of CSI later, we were both sleeping soundly...most likely because the day had been draining. Even with all the fun stuff in the evening...sitting in a seminar for the day can become pretty tiring.
Today, the plan was to get up and be at church at 9:30. We had planned on going to church with JJ...having lunch afterwards and then hitting the gym...hard and heavy to help alleviate the sins of the night before. Sounds good, right? I woke up at 2. PM not AM. 2 o'clock in the afternoon...say what???? I have no idea what happened.....I'm certain our alarm went off as scheduled...could we both have just slept right through it? Who knows...but I can tell you....it must not have been a good thing. I woke up with a sorta "who cares?" attitude. What's the use...I am never gonna be a normal size again anyway and all of this is just me trying to fool myself into believing something that ain't gonna happen.
Now...I'm not sure if you have ever felt this way or not. Perhaps, I am the odd duck...who has these fits of despair. But...it has pretty much kept my bootie in bed for the afternoon...and now we are lounging around watching the SuperBowl. Hubs is rooting for the Cards...me for the Steelers...(I do know it would be fabulous for the Cardinals to win the first SB in over 60 years...but I can't help but remember the greatness of the Steelers and the Coca-Cola commercial with big ole Mean Joe Green....who can't love the steelers after he threw that jersey to the little boy???)
Oh well...I really hope the funk passes cuz honestly...I think I am done trying to reach the unreachable star. Tomorrow I am supposed to go to boot camp...our last week. I don't really want to go anymore. I just want to sleep in and get to work around 8 or 8:30. However, I must go....since we have partners and my partner will have to "pay" a price if I am not there. So...four more days of boot camp...and then maybe I will get re-energized. Right now...I'm feeling pretty lousy in terms of weight loss efforts so....say a prayer for me if you believe in that kind of thing...if not....just keep positive thoughts..that I can get past my funk...get on with my challenge and not give up...even though I don't feel as if I have the energy to step onto a treadmill again.
I have to see the doc on Thursday...this is the day I wanted to be securely in the 220's again. Oh well...just another goal...not acheived. I am a downer today....so sorry.
Perhaps I need to get some new "Happy" pills. :-)
IDK....
<3>
I had a pretty good Saturday after all. We spent all day at a seminar by Heather Forbes, called "Beyond Consequences Live". She is the author of a series of books on a new approach to discipline. It was certainly informative, however the approach is so very different from anything we (especially I) have ever used previously. At times, it was a challenge to fully embrace this approach. I don't consider myself a tough disciplinarian by any stretch of the imagination. However, this approach certainly makes my views seem extreme. I signed up for a 10 week more in-depth session that might allow me to get answers to some of my concerns. Perhaps after completing those sessions, I can more fully believe in the methods that were shared in this seminar.
After the seminar, my husband surprised me with a fabulous dinner at a restaurant, Kenny's Wood-Fire Grill. It is located in a little shopping strip and was quite a delight. It doesn't seem like anything special on the outside, but you walk inside to quite a hidden jewel. The scene was intimate, dark, and cozy. I may have been a little underdressed in my black sweater and denim jeans, but we were tucked into a corner of the small and cozy restaurant and I really don't think anyone could even see how I was dressed from the waist down. When we were escorted to our table in the corner, clearly marked with a "reserved" card and menus already placed for us, there was a beautiful vase of flowers on the table from a local florist. A card was perched in the vase with my name on it. The card simply said, "Rebekah, I love you. Mike" To say the least, I was sorta blown away. I would have never thought to have flowers delivered to the restaurant at which we were dining....so I certainly never expected to receive something like this. The service was outstanding...and the menu was amazing. Obviously - calorie count wasn't coming into play...I was going to indulge in something amazing..and not feel guilty. I mean, after all...how often does a girl get a surprise like this, right? I settled on an 8oz fillet with 2 bacon encrusted shrimp and a side of asparagus. Actually - I didn't think it would be that bad of a selection...so I didn't even ask for "light" preparation. OMG....the food was amazing...but extreeeeeemely rich. The bacon shrimp wasn't at all what I expected since the bacon was fully cooked and the shrimp was then rolled in the crushed pieces of bacon...almost like taking shrimp and coating them in bacon bits. It was served with a huge pot of fondue as well. I am not kidding. The steak was covered with a blob of walnut butter that was almost the same size as the steak. The food, although good...was just so very rich. Even the asparagus had a sauce on it. I tried to scrape as much of the sauces off that I could...and I didn't dip the giant prawn shrimp in the fondue or anything. Still, when all was said and done (including dessert)...I was stuffed. Beyond stuffed. I really didn't feel guilty though since it was a special occasion (even if the "special" occasion was a "just because I love you" from my husband.
We followed the dinner with a comedy show at the Eismann Centre in Richardson, TX. A trio called "Three Blonde Moms" was performing and the hubs got tix for us. It was hilarious...although I found 2 of the moms much funnier than one...so did the hubs. It was still a pretty amazing night and we were home before midnight..so all was well. An episode of CSI later, we were both sleeping soundly...most likely because the day had been draining. Even with all the fun stuff in the evening...sitting in a seminar for the day can become pretty tiring.
Today, the plan was to get up and be at church at 9:30. We had planned on going to church with JJ...having lunch afterwards and then hitting the gym...hard and heavy to help alleviate the sins of the night before. Sounds good, right? I woke up at 2. PM not AM. 2 o'clock in the afternoon...say what???? I have no idea what happened.....I'm certain our alarm went off as scheduled...could we both have just slept right through it? Who knows...but I can tell you....it must not have been a good thing. I woke up with a sorta "who cares?" attitude. What's the use...I am never gonna be a normal size again anyway and all of this is just me trying to fool myself into believing something that ain't gonna happen.
Now...I'm not sure if you have ever felt this way or not. Perhaps, I am the odd duck...who has these fits of despair. But...it has pretty much kept my bootie in bed for the afternoon...and now we are lounging around watching the SuperBowl. Hubs is rooting for the Cards...me for the Steelers...(I do know it would be fabulous for the Cardinals to win the first SB in over 60 years...but I can't help but remember the greatness of the Steelers and the Coca-Cola commercial with big ole Mean Joe Green....who can't love the steelers after he threw that jersey to the little boy???)
Oh well...I really hope the funk passes cuz honestly...I think I am done trying to reach the unreachable star. Tomorrow I am supposed to go to boot camp...our last week. I don't really want to go anymore. I just want to sleep in and get to work around 8 or 8:30. However, I must go....since we have partners and my partner will have to "pay" a price if I am not there. So...four more days of boot camp...and then maybe I will get re-energized. Right now...I'm feeling pretty lousy in terms of weight loss efforts so....say a prayer for me if you believe in that kind of thing...if not....just keep positive thoughts..that I can get past my funk...get on with my challenge and not give up...even though I don't feel as if I have the energy to step onto a treadmill again.
I have to see the doc on Thursday...this is the day I wanted to be securely in the 220's again. Oh well...just another goal...not acheived. I am a downer today....so sorry.
Perhaps I need to get some new "Happy" pills. :-)
IDK....
<3>
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Feeling Good
Today we had one of our first meetings for the "Biggest Loser" challenge we are conducting in our office. The vendor for an internal health website gave a demo on the tools available with the site. Although there were some things that I found useful, quite honestly - there are so many other tools out there on the web that have more flexibility, that I'm not confident this website will meet my needs. However, since the demo was for a group of people who all have access to this site, I hope that some found it useful.
Weather was icky Tuesday & Wednesday...the office actually closed at noon on Tuesday and opened at noon on Wednesday...so all in all...a full day out of the office. Of course, the work doesn't stop..and with the modern day devices...being at home we're always still "connected". It is certainly more comfortable to get the work done on an icy day from the couch..than spending a couple of hours driving in.
I'm sorta proud of myself because even though the roads were icy...I made it to a water aerobics class on Wednesday night...and today resumed the boot camp. Have I mentioned before that I am not a fan of sweating? I absolutely HATE to sweat...but at practically every workout & boot camp, I work up a terrible sweat. The one "sometimes" exception to that is when I take part in a water exercise class. However, thanks to my own JJ....even THAT time has come to a close. Now it seems that after my water aerobics class, I am to spend at least 10 minutes in the dry sauna. Any idea how hot the dry sauna is??? I am not a person who enjoys heat. Ever. I am the chick that keeps the A/C going even in the winter. But now...I am learning to appreciate the heat of the dry sauna. It is so very relaxing and when I walk out of the sauna into the general "wet" area of the gym....I feel incredibly refreshed & energized. I certainly hadn't expected this and I must say that I quite enjoy my "sauna" time. Maybe it's just the "after-effect" of my sauna time. Either way, it's something that makes me happy and it's NOT related to FOOD. Yes...there are things out there that will satisfy us.....and they have absolutely no caloric value whatsoever! Yippee!!
Boot Camp - Week 3 - I have missed two days this week (due to the weather) -ouch- and on top of that, I am going to miss the Hydro class that I usually take on Saturday because we will be at an all-day seminar on parenting. So....back-up plan - Friday is usually my "off" day...but since apparently Tuesday was an off day for me this week..I am going to go in tomorrow morning to at least get cardio in. Saturday morning - the hubs and I have decided we will get up super early and get our work-out on...the seminar is actually taking place on the SAME STREET as the gym that we visit most often...what are the odds??? Ah - but don't think we are too self-sacrificing. We are hitting the gym so that we can go enjoy a nice breakfast before we get to the seminar. Food will most definitely make us get out of bed! (At least that is what we hope will happen!).
I have not been eating as mindfully as I should. I do pretty good at breakfast & lunch- however dinner gets me most nights. Monday night - we had a flat at the gym...had to call the tow people cuz it was cold and rainy and my husband is prone to pneumonia - which is never a good thing. Waited at the gym forever to have some guy come out and change the tire - $80 bucks & a smile later...we were on our way. We resisted the urge to eat out...didn't eat at the gym - trying to make sure our spending is "mindful" as well. So - I felt pretty good about that day. Tuesday & Wednesday were pretty good also. Today though - today - not so pretty. For some reason - I have no idea why...I wanted Wingstop. I really love WS...and I know that it is not close to healthy...especially when pared with the delicious fries. I did order wings & fries. Now - typically - I can put away some wings & fries. Tonight I ate 10 wings and a small fry and was so incredibly stuffed I couldn't move. Does this mean my appetite is actually getting "smaller"? Why does that seem scary to me? Isn't that what I want? Of course it is. For some reason though...the thought of not being able to cram unhealthy food down my throat seems a little scary. I mean, what IF...I'm never able to eat more than my body weight in wings again??? What IF something happens and Wingstop closes the doors, never to re-open again and I am never able to taste the fabulousness that is WS?? Now, even as I type this...I realize that it is crazy talk...but those thoughts do just randomly run through my head. WHAT IF...I stop worrying about that stuff and realize that gradually - I am getting to a single digit size...or for that matter a size that doesn't START with a TWO!?!?! OR - for that matter a WEIGHT that doesn't start with a TWO? What if....I worry about the things that matter like that I can button my jeans without laying down on my bed and holding my breath? How about I think of the "IF's" that come along with positive lifestyle changes? Wouldn't that be better? Of course it would! But HOW ENTERTAINING IS THAT??? Well...I guess I am pleased that I could barely swallow what would be a normal sized portion for any other adult. I wish that I didn't feel so guilty after eating it....I know I could have made a better choice...but at the same time...while I do want to lose the weight, I also want to be able to live...and to occassionally enjoy the guilty pleasures of restaurant food. Is that too much to ask? I think NOT!
So - workout tomorrow - workout Saturday and then a semi-last chance workout with JJ on Sunday. Hopefully, my arthritic knee is all better by then...from what I have heard, I should expect a very painful and exhausting workout. Hopefully I won't be subjected to vomiting or tears this time around!
Loving me, myself & I today...because I DESERVE it.
<3 Me
Weather was icky Tuesday & Wednesday...the office actually closed at noon on Tuesday and opened at noon on Wednesday...so all in all...a full day out of the office. Of course, the work doesn't stop..and with the modern day devices...being at home we're always still "connected". It is certainly more comfortable to get the work done on an icy day from the couch..than spending a couple of hours driving in.
I'm sorta proud of myself because even though the roads were icy...I made it to a water aerobics class on Wednesday night...and today resumed the boot camp. Have I mentioned before that I am not a fan of sweating? I absolutely HATE to sweat...but at practically every workout & boot camp, I work up a terrible sweat. The one "sometimes" exception to that is when I take part in a water exercise class. However, thanks to my own JJ....even THAT time has come to a close. Now it seems that after my water aerobics class, I am to spend at least 10 minutes in the dry sauna. Any idea how hot the dry sauna is??? I am not a person who enjoys heat. Ever. I am the chick that keeps the A/C going even in the winter. But now...I am learning to appreciate the heat of the dry sauna. It is so very relaxing and when I walk out of the sauna into the general "wet" area of the gym....I feel incredibly refreshed & energized. I certainly hadn't expected this and I must say that I quite enjoy my "sauna" time. Maybe it's just the "after-effect" of my sauna time. Either way, it's something that makes me happy and it's NOT related to FOOD. Yes...there are things out there that will satisfy us.....and they have absolutely no caloric value whatsoever! Yippee!!
Boot Camp - Week 3 - I have missed two days this week (due to the weather) -ouch- and on top of that, I am going to miss the Hydro class that I usually take on Saturday because we will be at an all-day seminar on parenting. So....back-up plan - Friday is usually my "off" day...but since apparently Tuesday was an off day for me this week..I am going to go in tomorrow morning to at least get cardio in. Saturday morning - the hubs and I have decided we will get up super early and get our work-out on...the seminar is actually taking place on the SAME STREET as the gym that we visit most often...what are the odds??? Ah - but don't think we are too self-sacrificing. We are hitting the gym so that we can go enjoy a nice breakfast before we get to the seminar. Food will most definitely make us get out of bed! (At least that is what we hope will happen!).
I have not been eating as mindfully as I should. I do pretty good at breakfast & lunch- however dinner gets me most nights. Monday night - we had a flat at the gym...had to call the tow people cuz it was cold and rainy and my husband is prone to pneumonia - which is never a good thing. Waited at the gym forever to have some guy come out and change the tire - $80 bucks & a smile later...we were on our way. We resisted the urge to eat out...didn't eat at the gym - trying to make sure our spending is "mindful" as well. So - I felt pretty good about that day. Tuesday & Wednesday were pretty good also. Today though - today - not so pretty. For some reason - I have no idea why...I wanted Wingstop. I really love WS...and I know that it is not close to healthy...especially when pared with the delicious fries. I did order wings & fries. Now - typically - I can put away some wings & fries. Tonight I ate 10 wings and a small fry and was so incredibly stuffed I couldn't move. Does this mean my appetite is actually getting "smaller"? Why does that seem scary to me? Isn't that what I want? Of course it is. For some reason though...the thought of not being able to cram unhealthy food down my throat seems a little scary. I mean, what IF...I'm never able to eat more than my body weight in wings again??? What IF something happens and Wingstop closes the doors, never to re-open again and I am never able to taste the fabulousness that is WS?? Now, even as I type this...I realize that it is crazy talk...but those thoughts do just randomly run through my head. WHAT IF...I stop worrying about that stuff and realize that gradually - I am getting to a single digit size...or for that matter a size that doesn't START with a TWO!?!?! OR - for that matter a WEIGHT that doesn't start with a TWO? What if....I worry about the things that matter like that I can button my jeans without laying down on my bed and holding my breath? How about I think of the "IF's" that come along with positive lifestyle changes? Wouldn't that be better? Of course it would! But HOW ENTERTAINING IS THAT??? Well...I guess I am pleased that I could barely swallow what would be a normal sized portion for any other adult. I wish that I didn't feel so guilty after eating it....I know I could have made a better choice...but at the same time...while I do want to lose the weight, I also want to be able to live...and to occassionally enjoy the guilty pleasures of restaurant food. Is that too much to ask? I think NOT!
So - workout tomorrow - workout Saturday and then a semi-last chance workout with JJ on Sunday. Hopefully, my arthritic knee is all better by then...from what I have heard, I should expect a very painful and exhausting workout. Hopefully I won't be subjected to vomiting or tears this time around!
Loving me, myself & I today...because I DESERVE it.
<3 Me
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Taking my "Off" day to the xtreme
Once upon a time, someone told me that I should take my "off" days (ie, the days that I don't work out) very seriously. Today - I must say, I have taken it to a whole nutha level! But hey, I deserve it, right??? I think so. I have lounged around most of the day...ignoring some of the chores in the house that need to be completed (that is what my wonderful husband is for, right?). Well, most of the time, yes. But today, he is snoozing right beside me. He certainly earned his snooze though. He started off the day with a workout that lasted close to 3 hours. Apparently, he is not too thrilled with his standing in the "Biggest Loser" challenge at the office. :-) He has now taken up the hobby of "journaling" and is keeping an eye on his daily caloric intake. In the end, this will probably make things a little easier for me....I am pretty sure there will be less "temptations" if both of us are working towards similar goals.
I do think my body needs to rest though. I am still fighting this illness somewhat so my throat is a little sore. Even still, I did make it to the gym yesterday. I did a steady jog for 11 min 32 sec...and ended up going a distance of 3/4 mile. Next I went to the 9 AM hydro class...which is really my favorite part of the week (except, of course, my off days). If you've never taken a hydro class, I think you would be surprised at the workout involved. I think the instructor, Alexis, got a little bored this week. She actually had us tossing our little styrofoam weights up in the air and catching them - almost like one would do with a baton. Now...I am not the most coordinated person....I'm probably not even in the top 80%. It couldn't have been more comical...everytime I tossed that weight in the air...I had to whisper a prayer that it wasn't going to hit another student right in the head. It was fun though...sort of freeing in a way. I left right away and ran to get showered, dressed, and head to the spa for my facial. I had been looking forward to it for so long...and realized that I had double booked myself with appointments. Ouch - I had wanted to do the gym & facial...but one of my very dearest friends...who I don't get to see very often...was scheduled to be on my side of town for a meeting that I needed to attend. So...I did my workout...shortened the facial to an "express" version..and tore out of the gym to meet my friend. The facial was FABULOUS. I really love rewarding myself with things like facials and massages. I think as long as I am doing those kinds of rewards...I should be able to make it through the grueling workouts. (I hope). Working out is still a challenge..not so much doing it...I can go...I can get in a workout without too much complaining. The problem sets in when I receive feedback from my own little Jillian Junior that I'm not pushing hard enough or I need to step it up. While I do appreciate her help...more than she will EVER know...sometimes I am barely able to keep up. I do understand what the BL participants mean when they announce on TV they are about to throw up. I have felt it...and shared the feeling with my JJ. She just smiles and says..."good". Yikes - sometimes I just don't know about all this.
Foodwise - I did pretty good yesterday. We went out for lunch to a local Italian place and I forfeited the pasta (not too difficult for me) and went with a 4oz petite filet topped with a grilled shrimp. You read right...A grilled shrimp...not plural. Sorta just enough to tease you. It came with seasonal veggies including broccoli, snow peas, carrots. Not a bad lunch. Dinner we did fast food...but Chick-Fil-A is always a reasonably good choice for me since I can get the Chargrilled Chicken Sandwich and substitute fruit or soup for fries. They also carry Coke Zero which I love.
Today is not going quite as good...since I'm being lazy. Fast food this AM and nothing really for lunch. We are supposed to go out with Bryan, one of our "sons"...not biologically...but he lived with us during his high school years and first semester of college. He now works for Anheuser-Busch and recently got a promotion. I think he wants to share the details of the promotion and his plans to move into a house....which is all info I got from my son, Cody...I think it is supposed to be a surprise...so I will certainly be "surprised". Bryan has been trying to get some time with us for about a week..but last weekend, we had to go out of town to take Cody his car...so last weekend didn't work. During the week is so hard...especially when I need to be at work before 6 AM. I'm not sure where we will go tonight, but I will make a reasonably good choice wherever we end up.
I need to put together a "newsletter" for the Biggest Loser challenge at my office. It will be simple...but I've been putting it off long enough...so I think I will get started on that.
Peace, love & health!
<3 Me
I do think my body needs to rest though. I am still fighting this illness somewhat so my throat is a little sore. Even still, I did make it to the gym yesterday. I did a steady jog for 11 min 32 sec...and ended up going a distance of 3/4 mile. Next I went to the 9 AM hydro class...which is really my favorite part of the week (except, of course, my off days). If you've never taken a hydro class, I think you would be surprised at the workout involved. I think the instructor, Alexis, got a little bored this week. She actually had us tossing our little styrofoam weights up in the air and catching them - almost like one would do with a baton. Now...I am not the most coordinated person....I'm probably not even in the top 80%. It couldn't have been more comical...everytime I tossed that weight in the air...I had to whisper a prayer that it wasn't going to hit another student right in the head. It was fun though...sort of freeing in a way. I left right away and ran to get showered, dressed, and head to the spa for my facial. I had been looking forward to it for so long...and realized that I had double booked myself with appointments. Ouch - I had wanted to do the gym & facial...but one of my very dearest friends...who I don't get to see very often...was scheduled to be on my side of town for a meeting that I needed to attend. So...I did my workout...shortened the facial to an "express" version..and tore out of the gym to meet my friend. The facial was FABULOUS. I really love rewarding myself with things like facials and massages. I think as long as I am doing those kinds of rewards...I should be able to make it through the grueling workouts. (I hope). Working out is still a challenge..not so much doing it...I can go...I can get in a workout without too much complaining. The problem sets in when I receive feedback from my own little Jillian Junior that I'm not pushing hard enough or I need to step it up. While I do appreciate her help...more than she will EVER know...sometimes I am barely able to keep up. I do understand what the BL participants mean when they announce on TV they are about to throw up. I have felt it...and shared the feeling with my JJ. She just smiles and says..."good". Yikes - sometimes I just don't know about all this.
Foodwise - I did pretty good yesterday. We went out for lunch to a local Italian place and I forfeited the pasta (not too difficult for me) and went with a 4oz petite filet topped with a grilled shrimp. You read right...A grilled shrimp...not plural. Sorta just enough to tease you. It came with seasonal veggies including broccoli, snow peas, carrots. Not a bad lunch. Dinner we did fast food...but Chick-Fil-A is always a reasonably good choice for me since I can get the Chargrilled Chicken Sandwich and substitute fruit or soup for fries. They also carry Coke Zero which I love.
Today is not going quite as good...since I'm being lazy. Fast food this AM and nothing really for lunch. We are supposed to go out with Bryan, one of our "sons"...not biologically...but he lived with us during his high school years and first semester of college. He now works for Anheuser-Busch and recently got a promotion. I think he wants to share the details of the promotion and his plans to move into a house....which is all info I got from my son, Cody...I think it is supposed to be a surprise...so I will certainly be "surprised". Bryan has been trying to get some time with us for about a week..but last weekend, we had to go out of town to take Cody his car...so last weekend didn't work. During the week is so hard...especially when I need to be at work before 6 AM. I'm not sure where we will go tonight, but I will make a reasonably good choice wherever we end up.
I need to put together a "newsletter" for the Biggest Loser challenge at my office. It will be simple...but I've been putting it off long enough...so I think I will get started on that.
Peace, love & health!
<3 Me
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