Things that I miss

There are a few things I love or at least that I really like. Things like pizza, not the thin crust veggie type either. The nice hand tossed meat lovers with extra cheese...soft, chewy crust....mmmm...mmmm..good. I haven't had pizza since I started this journey a little over a week ago and I don't know how long it will be before I do have pizze, but I know the day will come that I have a craving for it. Another thing I love and have loved since being a little girl...Krystal hamburgers. This is a delicacy f0r which you must have a special taste. I almost think you have to start at a very early age because as an adult, the description I'm about to share may not sound very appetizing. If you have ever lived up North...maybe Ohio or even Indiana, you may have heard of White Castle. Or, if you are a movie buff, you may have heard of Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. White Castle is very similar to Krystal. For those who may not be familiar with this taste of heaven, the burgers are little bitty square creations. The meat is about as thin as a piece of paper and the bun is very similar to a dinner roll. The meat is "steamed" with onions on top and then the bun is placed on top of the meatand becomes a little soggy. See what I mean - doesn't sound too appetizing...soggy bun, thin steamed meat, onions. I promise you that although it may sound great, I have rarely tasted anything that makes my mouth water and my tummy happier. I love Krystal. Love it. For the first 17 or so years I lived in Texas, the only time I was ever able to indulge in Krystal was on my out of state visits to Arkansas, Mississippi, Georgia, SC....some deep south, good ole down home places. However, a few years ago, the beauty of Krystal came to town. They opened up a little joint about 2 minutes from my office. Lines were long....cuz if you are a true Krystal fan, the taste would make the wait so worthwhile. Slowly, a few others opened up...and now, any time I desired, I could just drive in and grab a Krystal or two. Remember these are SMALL burgers. So, it is never A burger. It is never even 2 or 3 burgers. These bad boys come in at least a quantity of four, otherwise, it is just an evil tease.

This morning, I went to my water aerobics class with Kimber at 9. I woke up late, had to throw on my suit, brush teeth, etc. and run out the door with my gym bag. Fortunately, I actually arrived as I saw Kimber stepping out of her car. She had little K with her, so she had to do all the mom stuff that seems so foreign to me now. Removing the darling from the car seat, fighting to make sure you have all your own stuff, plus that everything for the little one...it's a juggling act for sure...and I have forgotten how chaotic those days can be. I do miss those days though. I miss my son clinging to me and loving on me and looking at me like I am the most wonderful creation in the world. I miss all the kisses and hugs and the excitement of looking forward to things like baking cookies for Santa and watching their eyes light up with joy when they open that perfect present and see the ashes left on the carpet from Santa's big feet. There is no greater joy than I can imagine than loving your baby and watching them grow each day. My baby is 19...and no longer does he look at me with eyes of amazement. Well...actually, he does look at me with eyes of amazement...just a different kind of amazement. He seems amazed that someone as "out of touch" as me could possibly function on a daily basis. He is amazed that adults in general are just so stupid. He is amazed to learn that life doesn't revolve around his immediate needs...actually, he's still working on that one. But, these are different days...and I miss the old days where we could cuddle up on the couch and watch old movies like Arsenic and Old Lace or Dial M for Murder....or even some great kid movies like the Sand Lot or Angels in the Outfield. Life has changed...and I miss some pieces of the life I used to know.

I say all that, to share my dilemma of the day. This morning, after class, I called my husband to see if he had thought about what he might want to eat. Primarily, I called him because I needed distraction until I got out of the area since there was a Krystal about 1 minute from the gym. I figured that I needed to keep myself busy and get out of the area quickly or else my car would just end up and Krystal. So....I called and asked Mike what he wanted for breakfast/lunch, since it was getting close to 10:30 at this point. Do you know what he said???? You got it, he said Krystal. ARGH!!! So, I asked him to look up nutritional information so that I could make a decent choice with my quantity, etc. Well....the number he gave me for calorie count was 160. That's not so bad...oh wait...that is for ONE KRYSTAL. NOBODY eats ONE Krystal. Remember I said the minimum quantity was 4...well, you can do the math....see my dilemma??? "Maybe we could do IHOP...can you look up the nutritionals on IHOP?" I asked. IHOP has an IHOP for Me menu and it is alot healthier than the main menu. Today, was not going to be an IHOP for Me menu choice day for me....so as much as I could justify, I knew I couldn't do IHOP and stay reasonably within my range. I told him I'd just go to Krystal. Just count everything up and make sure the rest of the day is better. I kept driving, but that little voice kept telling me, "you know you cannot do this. You cannot go to Krystal and eat well....this is a really bad idea and will send you spiraling out of control." Finally, I picked up the phone and called Mike. By this time, it was almost 11 AM. I asked him if there was any way we could do Chick Fil A. He said sure and I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief. I can go to CFA...get a Char-grilled Chicken Sandwich and only take in 260 calories....eat some of my FF Light BBQ Pringles for 70 calories and then have a nice, cold Coke Zero. Total calories 330....so much better than the 640 calories I would have consumed for four Krystals (1110 if I chose to eat the fries). Don't be too freaked out...it gets worse. There have been times when I've eaten 5 or 6 Krystals, not just the four. Then I wonder, "why do I have to struggle with my weight?" Well....duh.....that's almost as many calories as I need to consume in a day!!! I felt better about making the decision to eat CFA instead of Krystal. Krystal and Pizza....a couple of the things that I'm just going to have to miss for a while longer.

Oh - and it happened today. You know the day I've been dreading...the one where the scale goes UP and not down. I had hoped it would be a while before I experienced the increase. No such luck....ewwww.....that makes it so much harder to do the right thing and not just say, "screw it". Well, the only thing I can really do about it is to try not to let that fluctuation change my mindset. This is one reason why making a good choice this morning was necessary. I am struggling and tonight I have a party to attend at my boss's home. She is a fabulous host and I am certain there will be lots and lots of goodies....but she also knows that I am taking it easy right now on the calorie front and I am confident that she will have some healthy choices out there.

My eyes are getting very heavy....have no idea why I am tired...and it's not good. I have like a million things to do today. But first, I do believe that I am going to have to indulge in the luxury of a mid day nap.

I haven't gone off my eating plan yet nor have I missed a day of working out. I am sooooo hoping that I will see 230 something by my next Dr. Appt (Jan 8th). Just gotta keep it movin til then. No rest for the weary.

<3 to everyone...... <3 Me.....